Saturday, May 9, 2009

final chapter

As my final chapter of this season in my life approaches, I can't help but to be in deep reflection of the past few months.
I am so glad that I took the advice of one of my favorite people, Tranica, when she told me, "Bren, make sure to journal constantly!". I made sure that I did just that. The other day, I had some down time, so I read all of my journal entries. The night before I left for tour, Dustin gave me a few gifts, including my journal. I made sure to write in it every two days [only a few times did I slack off]. It is crazy to reflect and think how much you can change in such a short period of time. I feel I've changed for the better. Here are some things I noticed:

1. I am no longer afraid of doing things by myself. Whether that is eating, walking, exploring, taking the subway, or even going to the movie theaters to watch a sappy chick flick & laugh all by myself. I have always considered myself to be an independent person, and I like that. However, I was never the type to just get up and go... alone. I quickly realized that if I wanted to experience this season to its full potential, that would mean I would need to face each city head on. It just so happens that both of my teammates are from the Eastcoast, so when it came to exploring or sight seeing, they weren't really up for it. I am so glad I didn't let that hold me back.

2. Being intentional does really make a difference. Distance should never be an excuse. Of course it makes it harder to stay in communication with your loved ones when, physically, they aren't there. Before I left for tour, I told myself I need to be intentional with five of my closest sisters as well as Dustin, of course. I can look back and say happily that I did that. It wasn't always easy, but that is where the intentionality comes in. I have learned to appreciate the random texts, the picture messages, the facebook & myspace comments and the phone calls from my friends and family more now that I am not with them. Another way I've had to be intentional is with my relationship with Jesus. It is SO much harder to stay strong [for me] when I don't have my community and my weekly church service. I don't think that is an excuse, but it is reality for me. This tour reminded me that although I don't have a church on the road with me, I have Christ living in ME. I just need to be intentional, and He will still speak truth into my daily life.

3. As cheese ball as this sounds, "anything is possible". Touring the Eastcoast and visiting about 50 universities opened my eyes so much to my future. I have become more confident and determined, meaning when I get home, I am going to finish school and I will succeed. I am so excited to get back into school and learn more. I have more of a passion for intercultural studies and language. I really can't wait to see where the Lord leads me. I am learning that I can't keep putting the God of all creation in this box that I see fit for Him, because it is not fit for Him, it is fit for ME. This is a very vulnerable state to be in, but I know it will direct me where I need to go. Ah! So exciting! :]

There are obviously so many more things that I have learned about on tour, as well as things that have changed me. But that is enough for now! I really want to keep reflecting and take all of these things I have learned on the road with me home. They are memories but they are also life values that I wouldn't trade for the world.

It is now Sunday, and I have only two screenings left and I will be home on Thursday. I can't even believe it is near over. Well, when I get home I will debrief for almost two weeks, but still, TOUR is practically over.

Thank you loved ones for standing by me through this time, and for all of your prayers. I will be home soon enough, and I can't even wait to hug each and everyone of you.

You see things; and you say, 'Why?' But I dream things that never were; and I say, "Why not?"
-George Bernard Shaw


  1. Love it! Glad to see so much growth! Thanks for sharing. I am looking forward to seeing what your next chapter in life looks like!

  2. thanks Brooke! Me too :]

    oh & i was just reading your blog, your summer looks sooo amazing! I am so happy for you & matt! we better hang out at least once before you leave!