Sunday, January 31, 2010

It's time.

I often think to myself, "I should write in my blog again." However, I decide not to because it's been so long since I last wrote & there is way too much to update on or cover, so I am writing from today on.
Deal with it.

I am really excited about my life right now, & where I feel God leading me. I don't have it all figured out, & on top of that I have many questions, with no answers, but this time of my life is causing me to cling to my first love, that being Jesus. That's all I need to know right now. I am finding that life itself is a lot more simplistic than we make it out to be. I could sit here & write out all of the hurts & pains I am dealing with right now; I could also list off all of the things I wish weren't happening to me, but all for what purpose? To be miserable? I choose not to go down that road. At the same time, however, I am not going to walk around like I do have my ducks in a row or as if my life was perfect, because it is far from it. I believe there is a healthy balance that we all need to find, & be content with that. Being a follower of Christ definitely has a lot to do with my attitude of hope & peace. Even in the midst of sorrow & pain, I know more than anything else in this life, that there is purpose behind the pain, & there is always a time of rejoicing to be had at the end of it. I know that God has my best interest at hand, & all in all, if I cling to that, I will always be okay. And that, my friends, is why I can wake up each day no matter what battles I may face, & say I will make it through this. I will be okay, in the end of it all.

This past week was an emotional roller coaster for me. And even in that short span of time, I can look back & begin to see God's purpose in that. Thursday & Friday of this week I attended a conference hosted by Rock Harbor called "Sex, Love & God", it was beyond phenomenal. Each night left me speechless & amazed at how God works. Friday night was especially significant for me. The message was great, but that wasn't necessarily what grabbed my heart. I came before the Lord before the last worship set began & said, "Lord, I am tired & weary. Please search my heart, & reveal yourself to me." Because the truth is, the last few months have been very rocky for me, & extremely emotional. I have been so tired, & so weak, I finally was so hurt that I couldn't physically, emotionally, & especially spiritually handle it any longer. My problem was in the fact that I wasn't surrendering my whole heart to the Lord, my first Love. He made it so very clear to me what I needed to do, and I did it. I feel an immediate weight that has been lifted off of me. & For that, I praise Him.

Friends, something I am learning about having a relationship with God is this, until we can humbly surrender everything, He can not do the work that He wants to do in our lives. I sometimes thought, I can give God this, but not that; but when we do this, we are robbing Him of doing the great things He wants to do in our lives.
I don't want to have control over my life, because when I do, things get messy & things are so much more difficult. When the Lord is leading, & in control, life isn't miraculously easy, however, it works. It is worth living. & It is promising.

There is my update. This is me, this is where I am. I really want to keep writing. I encourage you to comment, or ask me questions. I love that.

Friends, be blessed.
Keep fighting the good fight.

There are times it seems
when everything's lost
and I'm moaning, I'm tossed
and I see..

Between the river and the ravens I'm fed.
Between oblivion and the blazes I'm led,
So Father give me faith, providence & grace.
Between the river & ravens I'm fed.
Sweet Deliverer, oh You lift up my head
& lead me in Your way.

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