Honesty

Honesty.

What a concept? I am not necessarily referring to the kind of honesty where you just tell the truth, or even being honest with those around you, but being honest with yourself, now that's a concept. 

I've spent the last several weeks of my life consistently journaling about my day to day emotions. The ups, the downs, the in betweens. I've learned a lot from just putting pen to paper and reflecting. I've come to the conclusion that I need to be more honest with myself. It's a scary thing, isn't it?

On that note... I've always thought by 24, I'd have everything figured out, that I would be all grown up and mature. I'd still like to think that despite my flaws and hardships that I am still mature, but I think I have realized that there is still so much more work to be done. I am not sure how I feel about this, either. It's quite uncomfortable to think that at 24 years old I am not done growing up, but I am beginning to realize and accept that as long as I am alive, I will never stop growing, and with that, I'll never stop growing up.

I am left to ask myself, why is it so difficult for me to be honest with myself, and sometimes even with others? Now again, I am not a pathological liar, or even a fibb-er at all, so I am good, right? No. Keeping your thoughts and emotions inside is also another form of being dishonest, it just appears to be more attractive than lying. I am not sure where I learned this. I am hoping to figure that out though. When I am going through something difficult, I tend to want to deal with it by myself because I don't want to burden someone else. This always ends up getting me into trouble. It's so refreshing when I open up to my closest friends, and they blow me away with their response. The truth is, people do care. You are usually your own worst critic and worst enemy. If any of my friends came to me with something they were struggling through, I'd want to be completely available for them, no matter what. So why do I think that my "problems" are any different? 

I'm beginning to see that they aren't.

This life is not meant to be walked through alone. God has placed certain people along your path to help you through life's circumstances. Some people serve as listeners, some as people who offer wisdom and advice. Others will pray for you and hold you accountable, while others will do anything to just make you laugh. I have friends of all sorts, and am so grateful. 

So, here's to life and all of it's beauty and trials. I'll admit, at times I feel like I've hit rock bottom and that I have to start from scratch, but the wonderful thing about God's character is that you will never experience rock bottom alone. 

"The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent." 

Exodus 14:14

Breathe in today's goodness and grace, and remember, if you are still here, there is purpose for your life.

Keep Fighting the Good Fight, 

Lord knows it's a struggle, but friends, it is a Good Fight.