Healing: A Beautiful Ending

[The first thing I ever painted, Circa Spring 2010
Quote taken from "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium"]

Healing: To become healthy or sound again

Wow, Webster nailed it beautifully. 

For the last 2+ years, my heart has been longing for healing, but I never put forth the effort to heal from deep wounds, because frankly, that would have been too painful. I chose to believe the coined phrase "time heals all wounds". I don't know who came up with that theory, but I'd like to meet them, shake their hand and then slap them. It's just not true. Sure, as time passes, things do get easier. But by no means does time heal anything. I am learning now that healing from anything takes diligence, it takes humility, it takes action. It takes living like there is hope that one day you will in fact you'll be healed, and that you are willing to do whatever it takes to get there. 

For me, this process was supposed to start 2 1/2 years ago, but I chose to avoid it, and you know what they say, if you don't deal with your emotions, they will deal with you. Now that phrase I will choose to believe. You can suppress your heartache all you want, but one day it will surface, and that my friends will not be a pretty day, I can tell you that much. The last 4 months of my life have been by far the most difficult but never have I grown so much, and never have I been so pleased with my personal, spiritual and emotional progress than I am in this time. 

I am finally seeing healing coming to fruition in my life. I started this season off with a certain expectation and mentality that my life would turn out a certain way. Man, I don't know how God puts up with us sometimes. I bet He laughs a lot at our silly ideas and plans. But, the beautiful thing about the Lord is that He knows how we are wired, He of course wired us this way - but more than that, He allows us to experience things in a specific way at a specific time. God sees this big picture that our minuscule minds can't even begin to fathom, and with that He chooses to show us pieces of that picture at certain times. And, sometimes, it seems as if that plan or picture is changing, but really God has it all figured out, and each piece of the picture He reveals to us has its own purpose for that time that we are being exposed to it. Does that make sense? 

I believe I am at the end of my season that I've been speaking of. How, or why, you ask? I was challenged two weeks ago to embrace healing. I wasn't happy to hear that challenge, but it was something I knew I needed to do. How do you heal? Like, logistically, I don't really know. Remember healing is not my forte. I've found that it's about releasing those thoughts and emotions that hold you back from fully healing to God - in those moments, and saying, "God, I release this to you". Yes, that easy. But it becomes a prayer that you will find yourself saying all-day-long, and that is painful. It's almost as if you are releasing something that has been a part of you for so long. And, with that, pray for healing. I've seen God do some miraculous work within my heart these last two weeks, I really am in awe. For four months, I have had a certain mentality and now, all of the sudden healing is occurring. 

I am not naive to think it's going to be easy from here on out, and that I won't have my moments. But, God is so completely sovereign in my life right now, and truly has been through this season that I know He is ready for me to be healed, as am I. I really feel alive again, and it's been awesome because other people have been noticing it too.

I am honored that God has spoken to me in this season, because it's all a testament to His love and mercy. I know that He has allowed me to experience this because it will one day speak to someone else. And for that, I have found purpose.

This is not my story, this is God's Story

of redemption, grace & new beginnings.