Saturday, June 23, 2012

the desire to leave, but the need to stay

Do you ever think about where you will live when you "grow up" - and while we are on that subject, what age clarifies that you've grown up? As a child, I was raised in an extremely small town in central California. I loved it, because it was all I knew and since the town was so small, it was safe to just go roaming around and go on adventures. Once I got a little older, however, that cute, small town became one that suffocated me. At that time, my family and I packed our things and moved to southern California, specifically Long Beach, CA. What an extreme difference! I loved Long Beach, because it was so large, and there was always something to do. I had more friends, more memories, more adventures, all because the city I lived in was so big.

Fast forward another decade.

Here I am now, living in between homes and essentially dubbing myself as a nomad (yet again), but I generally claim Orange County as my home. What I find to be interesting is that my life has sort of come full circle. My heart is dying to get as far away from this county, this area, as soon as I can. I don't talk about this too much, because to be honest it is more of a recent thought for me. Although Orange County and the LA area have so much to offer and there are so many things to do, and the weather is as close to perfect as you can get, I still don't have any desire to be here anymore.

Having the unique opportunity to travel with LiNK, broadened my eyes and really planted a yearning to travel more. I want to see the world, I want to see more of this country, I desire to see how big our God is. Traveling is one of the most beautiful things I've ever experienced. It taught me about myself, about the things I like and don't like, about people and culture and food and... you get the idea.

Back to reality.

I am here now, in the middle of Orange County. And reality is, I will be here for a little while. So, for now, I will burry this little aching desire to leap out of here - but I won't burry it too deep, because I believe this aching desire somehow keeps me looking forward during harder times. It keeps me excited and inspired. I am so glad that the love of my life feels the exact same way as I do. That definitely makes it easier, knowing that we are spending the rest of our lives together and neither of us are tied to the idea of residing in this area.

I took this photo somewhere in Boston.
 I miss driving across bridges, it's my favorite.

Ideas, dreams, hopes, that is all this is for now, but I love it. I love the thought of one day paving my own way, and starting my own life wherever I choose it to be.



  1. I love this post and I know how you feel. grew up in a beautiful place but desperately wanted to leave. I did a few years ago but now i'm not happy here either. God has made a beautiful world and we are only seeing little bits of it! Travelling woud be a great experience, you should definitely do it!

    P.S. I nominated you for an award at my blog xo

  2. i totally get this. growing up, i thought i'd be content to be near home all my life. home meaning, phoenix. but. i got to a point where i felt so trapped. i really don't think there was much more i could do with myself there, i had to get out and grow. and as much as i love love love seattle, i don't want to never leave. i want to see the world too! my heart hurts for traveling. not to be gone forever. i am such a homebody, and i think i would love to have one place to always go back to. i want to be able to see my family without too much difficulty. but, i want to explore and learn and see. one day, i will. and you will too :]

    AND. and. if by chance your travels bring you to the northwest...well. you'll have a friend here :]

    1. i'm glad you can relate :)
      I believe we were designed to move, to wander, to experience - but then there will always be home, you know? That's how I feel about it.

      & girl, I think about that often - if I ever come up to the PNW area, I will most definitely let you know, I would love to meet you in person! <3


  3. Hi Bren, I read this post awhile back, right before we left for our summer adventure. Now that I am on this adventure, I just wanted to say... do it! I truly believe that anyone who wants to can travel internationally or domestically. Money is needed, but some places are so inexpensive that really all you need is a plane ticket. Matt and I have traveled when we have both had stable careers, but also when neither of us had a career. We set up a strict budget for ourselves so that we would save for travel, because it is something that is important to us. We have always been willing to make financial sacrifices in our lives to save for travel. Also, there are so many places nearby that are great. Last summer, we did a two week road trip around national parks, and it was relatively inexpensive (there are many free campsites out there), and it was one of our favorite trips ever. Anyway, if you need any advice, feel free to ask. I will leave you with this quote... you may have heard it before, but it is one of my favorites:
    “Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”