Money, or lack there of

Money.

We need it to survive, that is a fact, but I find it interesting that the very thing we need to survive can break us down and make us feel dead inside.

Okay, I know I am being a bit dramatic here, but the subject of money has made me feel so low this week. As a server, I depend on my tips. I get taxed up the wazoo on my checks, so those are very minimal every two weeks. My tips mean everything to me. It is the very way I am able to put gas in my car, food in my belly and pay my bills every month.

For the last week+ I was keeping my tips in this zipper pouch which was secured in my purse that I keep at my side at all times. Somehow, some-illogical-way, in the course of less than 12 hours, I misplaced/lost this zipper pouch of mine. I say illogical, because it literally makes no sense to me that I lost it. I've retraced all of my steps, searched high and low, and asked friends who I was with if they had seen it.

That moment, that painful realization that something so important to you has been lost or misplaced is best described to me as suffocating. I literally think about it, and feel at a loss of breath.

I don't know the exact of money I had in this zipper pouch, but I know it was anywhere from $400-500. Painful, right? Sigh.

So, at this point I have to let it go and move on. I am fighting to do just that. My conversations with the Lord have been rather interesting as of lately. Why, Lord? Will You still provide for me? What are you trying to teach me within all of this? Those are my questions. Once I have the answers, I'll let you know...

The timing is impeccable - in the worst of ways. In one week I am moving into a new apartment, and my tips were exactly what I needed to provide a cushion for me to get started in this new chapter of my life.

Usually when I experience something transformational in my life, I try to blog about it and share my honest thoughts and struggles within all of it. So this is that. My hope is that soon I will be able to write a blog post about how God redeems and teaches us through frustrating experiences. I will keep you all posted on that. But, for now, I sit in this place of defeat, but I know I will soon surface it.

[*PS- If you or anyone you know happens to come across a tan/beige/grey-ish Aveda makeup zipper pouch in the La Mirada/La Habra/Brea area and it has several hundred dollars in it & a CPK name badge in it - will you let me know? Haha, it's worth a shot, right?]

XO

Brenda