breaking up with our credit cards

I have been waiting about four years for this day to come. 

The day where I could break the chains of debt. 

When I can confidently say that I am not enslaved to money. 

I have spent the last several years hoping for this very day to come, but doubting it would ever get here.

I've never been "well off". I was raised in a family that did all that we could to just get by. That never really changed once I became an adult. I was always working, but somehow I could never tread water. A couple years ago I started working for a non profit organization. Taking this job was the best decision I could make, but I knew that I would not be making much money -- 

which in turn, made me rely on having a credit card for survival. 

Which brings me to today. I made it a goal to have all of my credit card debt paid off before the end of 2013, and I am extremely elated to say that as of this month, we are 100% (credit card) debt-free!!!! To not have the worry and weight I once had when thinking of my debt is priceless. 

Making our final payment made me think about how God designed us. He didn't design us to live a life full of debt. He doesn't desire for us to live outside of our means. He is a good God, and a God that leads and provides. It is our goal that within our marriage and our family that we will not be enslaved to money; that we will live within the means that the Lord has provided.

one of my favorite photos of us //
since i didn't capture a moment of making our final payment,
i figured this would express how excited we are :)

Here's to wrapping up 2013 with a balance of zero and a heart full of joy.

XO

Brenda

Money, or lack there of

Money.

We need it to survive, that is a fact, but I find it interesting that the very thing we need to survive can break us down and make us feel dead inside.

Okay, I know I am being a bit dramatic here, but the subject of money has made me feel so low this week. As a server, I depend on my tips. I get taxed up the wazoo on my checks, so those are very minimal every two weeks. My tips mean everything to me. It is the very way I am able to put gas in my car, food in my belly and pay my bills every month.

For the last week+ I was keeping my tips in this zipper pouch which was secured in my purse that I keep at my side at all times. Somehow, some-illogical-way, in the course of less than 12 hours, I misplaced/lost this zipper pouch of mine. I say illogical, because it literally makes no sense to me that I lost it. I've retraced all of my steps, searched high and low, and asked friends who I was with if they had seen it.

That moment, that painful realization that something so important to you has been lost or misplaced is best described to me as suffocating. I literally think about it, and feel at a loss of breath.

I don't know the exact of money I had in this zipper pouch, but I know it was anywhere from $400-500. Painful, right? Sigh.

So, at this point I have to let it go and move on. I am fighting to do just that. My conversations with the Lord have been rather interesting as of lately. Why, Lord? Will You still provide for me? What are you trying to teach me within all of this? Those are my questions. Once I have the answers, I'll let you know...

The timing is impeccable - in the worst of ways. In one week I am moving into a new apartment, and my tips were exactly what I needed to provide a cushion for me to get started in this new chapter of my life.

Usually when I experience something transformational in my life, I try to blog about it and share my honest thoughts and struggles within all of it. So this is that. My hope is that soon I will be able to write a blog post about how God redeems and teaches us through frustrating experiences. I will keep you all posted on that. But, for now, I sit in this place of defeat, but I know I will soon surface it.

[*PS- If you or anyone you know happens to come across a tan/beige/grey-ish Aveda makeup zipper pouch in the La Mirada/La Habra/Brea area and it has several hundred dollars in it & a CPK name badge in it - will you let me know? Haha, it's worth a shot, right?]

XO

Brenda

A Server's Worst Nightmare

Can I just vent a little bit here?

Thanks.


So, as I've mentioned before, I recently started working as a server again at CPK. I am grateful to have a job, and a decent income after not having a job for almost six months. It was not where I imagined myself ending up after leaving LiNK, but nonetheless I was happy to start working again.

Recently, I've been struggling with my job. It is probably because the last two shifts I've had have been the worst I've ever had in my history as a server. Last night I was so close to just leaving. Can I really handle this job? Is this even worth it?

Some people are just plain rude. Seriously. I love people! I love serving others, and I love helping people. It is naturally how God wired me. But there comes a point when people just treat you so poorly, that you just break. That is exactly what last night felt like for me.

For your sake, I will not get into the nitty-gritty details of what happened, but I will say I encountered the most rude, condescending and demeaning person that I've ever encountered in the decade I've worked in customer service. This woman might as well have had "i hate you" written across her forehead. It was that bad. She caused a scene, complained to my manager for ten whole minutes and treated me like I was literally dirt. Why? All because her salad had chicken instead of shrimp in it, and all because it took me one extra minute than she preferred for me to refill her water. She was so, so mean. I can handle complaints, and I can handle grumpy, unfriendly guests, no problem. But the moment you are mean and rude to me, that is where I draw the line.

The entire time she treated me like this, all I wanted to do was look at her and say, "you do know that I am a human being, right? Please stop treating me like an animal, or that I am your slave" - now, of course you can't say these things. But, boy did I think them. After that whole fiasco, I just couldn't get back into my groove, and I could not shake it. It just really broke my heart, and my soul too.

After crying like a baby to Jamey on the phone about my shift (bless his heart), I vented a little more to Becky (bless her heart too, haha). And I was telling her, this is the exact reason why I quit being a server the last time (not the time I left to become a Nomad, but the other time, hah). It was because I realized I didn't deserve to receive such terrible treatment from people who hated themselves, and the world. The money is great, yes, but it was not worth it. And, here I am again in that same place. Is it worth it? Well, no, it really is not for me, especially since money in general doesn't mean anything to me in this life. But, at this point in my life, I have responsibilities and a future that I am trying to prepare for. So, it's different.

After my hell of a shift was over, I was walking to my car and I pleaded with the Lord, "God, please remove this season from me as soon as You can. I don't desire to be here, I don't desire to feel this way. I want to serve You, and serve Your people, so please make a way for that."

It's a struggle, that is for sure, but I still aim to be positive and grateful because this is a blessing still, even in the midst of trial.

Thanks for listening, friends. Moral of the story, don't be that customer. Whether you are going through a drive-thru, or sitting down to eat at a restaurant, treat your server the way YOU would want to be treated. They are just trying to make it too, just like you and I. Don't tip 10% just because you're cheap. Be patient, and always, always give grace. Servers are not perfect, so mistakes happen, and more often than not, the mistakes that are made are not their fault, so don't take it out on them. Remember me, and this story the next time you go out to eat. Be kind, friends, believe it or not, you can make a server's day just by being nice and understanding.

I'll take that over any big tip, any day.

XO,

Brenda