Money, or lack there of

Money.

We need it to survive, that is a fact, but I find it interesting that the very thing we need to survive can break us down and make us feel dead inside.

Okay, I know I am being a bit dramatic here, but the subject of money has made me feel so low this week. As a server, I depend on my tips. I get taxed up the wazoo on my checks, so those are very minimal every two weeks. My tips mean everything to me. It is the very way I am able to put gas in my car, food in my belly and pay my bills every month.

For the last week+ I was keeping my tips in this zipper pouch which was secured in my purse that I keep at my side at all times. Somehow, some-illogical-way, in the course of less than 12 hours, I misplaced/lost this zipper pouch of mine. I say illogical, because it literally makes no sense to me that I lost it. I've retraced all of my steps, searched high and low, and asked friends who I was with if they had seen it.

That moment, that painful realization that something so important to you has been lost or misplaced is best described to me as suffocating. I literally think about it, and feel at a loss of breath.

I don't know the exact of money I had in this zipper pouch, but I know it was anywhere from $400-500. Painful, right? Sigh.

So, at this point I have to let it go and move on. I am fighting to do just that. My conversations with the Lord have been rather interesting as of lately. Why, Lord? Will You still provide for me? What are you trying to teach me within all of this? Those are my questions. Once I have the answers, I'll let you know...

The timing is impeccable - in the worst of ways. In one week I am moving into a new apartment, and my tips were exactly what I needed to provide a cushion for me to get started in this new chapter of my life.

Usually when I experience something transformational in my life, I try to blog about it and share my honest thoughts and struggles within all of it. So this is that. My hope is that soon I will be able to write a blog post about how God redeems and teaches us through frustrating experiences. I will keep you all posted on that. But, for now, I sit in this place of defeat, but I know I will soon surface it.

[*PS- If you or anyone you know happens to come across a tan/beige/grey-ish Aveda makeup zipper pouch in the La Mirada/La Habra/Brea area and it has several hundred dollars in it & a CPK name badge in it - will you let me know? Haha, it's worth a shot, right?]

XO

Brenda

A Server's Worst Nightmare

Can I just vent a little bit here?

Thanks.


So, as I've mentioned before, I recently started working as a server again at CPK. I am grateful to have a job, and a decent income after not having a job for almost six months. It was not where I imagined myself ending up after leaving LiNK, but nonetheless I was happy to start working again.

Recently, I've been struggling with my job. It is probably because the last two shifts I've had have been the worst I've ever had in my history as a server. Last night I was so close to just leaving. Can I really handle this job? Is this even worth it?

Some people are just plain rude. Seriously. I love people! I love serving others, and I love helping people. It is naturally how God wired me. But there comes a point when people just treat you so poorly, that you just break. That is exactly what last night felt like for me.

For your sake, I will not get into the nitty-gritty details of what happened, but I will say I encountered the most rude, condescending and demeaning person that I've ever encountered in the decade I've worked in customer service. This woman might as well have had "i hate you" written across her forehead. It was that bad. She caused a scene, complained to my manager for ten whole minutes and treated me like I was literally dirt. Why? All because her salad had chicken instead of shrimp in it, and all because it took me one extra minute than she preferred for me to refill her water. She was so, so mean. I can handle complaints, and I can handle grumpy, unfriendly guests, no problem. But the moment you are mean and rude to me, that is where I draw the line.

The entire time she treated me like this, all I wanted to do was look at her and say, "you do know that I am a human being, right? Please stop treating me like an animal, or that I am your slave" - now, of course you can't say these things. But, boy did I think them. After that whole fiasco, I just couldn't get back into my groove, and I could not shake it. It just really broke my heart, and my soul too.

After crying like a baby to Jamey on the phone about my shift (bless his heart), I vented a little more to Becky (bless her heart too, haha). And I was telling her, this is the exact reason why I quit being a server the last time (not the time I left to become a Nomad, but the other time, hah). It was because I realized I didn't deserve to receive such terrible treatment from people who hated themselves, and the world. The money is great, yes, but it was not worth it. And, here I am again in that same place. Is it worth it? Well, no, it really is not for me, especially since money in general doesn't mean anything to me in this life. But, at this point in my life, I have responsibilities and a future that I am trying to prepare for. So, it's different.

After my hell of a shift was over, I was walking to my car and I pleaded with the Lord, "God, please remove this season from me as soon as You can. I don't desire to be here, I don't desire to feel this way. I want to serve You, and serve Your people, so please make a way for that."

It's a struggle, that is for sure, but I still aim to be positive and grateful because this is a blessing still, even in the midst of trial.

Thanks for listening, friends. Moral of the story, don't be that customer. Whether you are going through a drive-thru, or sitting down to eat at a restaurant, treat your server the way YOU would want to be treated. They are just trying to make it too, just like you and I. Don't tip 10% just because you're cheap. Be patient, and always, always give grace. Servers are not perfect, so mistakes happen, and more often than not, the mistakes that are made are not their fault, so don't take it out on them. Remember me, and this story the next time you go out to eat. Be kind, friends, believe it or not, you can make a server's day just by being nice and understanding.

I'll take that over any big tip, any day.

XO,

Brenda

Let the Good Times Roll

This past week has been great. I finally started training at California Pizza Kitchen (CPK) and I am on the floor as a server (again). I went through three days, back to back of training and then did a few shadow shifts, and now I am on my own. It's crazy how much it really is like riding a bike; everything just came back to me. Even though serving was not where I imagined myself post LiNK, I am still grateful for this job. I am excited to be making money again, and finally being able to save so I can MOVE OUT!

My friend Meleca has been so hospitable to Becky and I. We have been staying at her home in La Mirada. It has been such a blessing because it is saving me on gas and time. God is truly providing for me in the most unique ways lately! Plus, it's been nice being around Becky more and getting caught up with Mel too! I can't complain either because Jamey is only a few minutes away from here :) and then work is right up the road as well. Win-win!

Life has truly been smiling on me lately, and I am loving it. Summer is approaching, and that makes me one happy camper. Give me sunshine, or give me death, that's what I say!

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Here are a few things that have been making my heart smile lately:

                            

Water - I gave up drinking soda for a month and since then, water has been a good friend to me.

Jamey - He is such a joy to me and I can't get enough of him!

Becky - I have been so happy spending so much time with my best friend lately!

Spontaneity - I realize I am only getting older, but being spontaneous and adventurous should not be put to an end because of that. I am learning to embrace this more. In this case, it was an aimless drive filled with some random adventures, and singing of course.

I am looking forward to seeing The Head & The Heart on Monday with my Love! I can't waittttt!

[Brooke, I am stoked to see you and Matt too!!]

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What are you looking forward to for this week?!

XO

Brenda

I'm Employed!

I love that my last blog post was titled "Lessons From Unemployment" and this blog post is about me becoming employed! Talk about a quick turn around, eh?

If you've been following my blog these last few months, you would be familiar with the fact that I've been on the job search and have not been successful. It's been such a tiring and at times, defeating, experience for me. I knew all along that something would come up soon, but when it's four months of being unemployed, you tend to get a little doubtful. This week I was off to a great start. I had two interviews on Monday and then one interview on Tuesday afternoon. I was hopeful that at least something would come up as a result to those interviews, and I am so excited to say that it has!

As of yesterday, I was officially offered a job as a Server back at CPK [California Pizza Kitchen]. I worked there a couple of years ago, but I left so that I could go work for LiNK. It's interesting to think that I worked there, left for LiNK, left LiNK, and now I am going back there.
Full circle? I think so!

This wasn't something I planned on doing, in fact, it was absolutely the furthest thing from what I wanted or expected to happen. But, I am learning that it's hard to find a job out there, and like I mentioned in my last post, I need to suck up my pride, and be responsible. Sometimes we need to do the things we don't want to do, in order to do the things we want to do. I guess that is what this next season will look like for me, in terms of a job.

But, I also want to stay positive about it. There are many pros to being a Server again: Flexible schedules, good money, being able to request time off, or even pick up extra shifts, still search for Nanny jobs and gain more experience in that field; just to name a few. I guess the only con of being a Server again is feeling like I am going backwards. But, that really isn't the case. Life happens, and I am learning that I need to roll with the punches as they come, and try to smile while doing it.

So, here I am, 25 years old is quickly approaching, and I will be a Server... again. I am grateful for this opportunity, and I want to treat this as a gift, and not a set back. I don't want my life to be all about my career, or where I work. I have never, and never want to be defined by these things.

I guess this is my season of humility and responsibility. Bring it on ;)

I posted this on Instagram after finding out I got the job.
It brought my heart SO much joy to know that I had so much support & love from my friends on finding a job.
Thank you all, for your prayers, encouragement & support. 

XO,

Brenda