Timeline of Testaments

For the last four months, I've mentioned this particular season of waiting that I have been struggling through. It has been painful, stretching and honestly life-altering. I didn't see this season coming when it did, and everyday since it has occurred, I have never been certain when or how it would end. I can't say that I am 100% certain that it has indeed passed, but I can say that I am seeing the end of it, and for that, I can only give glory to Jesus.

Once I realized I was in fact facing a difficult season, I knew that journaling about it was going to be necessary. I am SO grateful that I journaled daily through this process. There are entries of pain, of tears, of joy, of confusion and traced throughout all of these entries are prayers and requests to God. I would like to share with you a timeline of testaments to how good and gracious the Lord has been to me in this season. These are just a few that I picked out, one for each month that I've been in this rough season of waiting on the Lord. I pray it can be an encouragement to you, wherever you are at in life, for whatever season you are facing.

[11/15/2011]

"Lord, what is at the end of this? Is it soon? Am I in it right now? What do I need to do to push through? God, I am not asking that You remove this from me, but I ask that You strengthen me in my weakness and guide my decisions. Above all else, Lord, You are my desire, You are my aim. Help me to stay true to this. Amen."

[12/29/2011]

"What am I supposed to do, Lord? I know You're teaching me so much in this time. Patience, faithfulness, commitment, full reliance and trust in You. But, lately I've been feeling more discouraged and defeated than ever before. I am praying that You show me a glimpse of what's next, or what I should do in the next few weeks. I am trying to not let this situation completely take over my life. I still have so much to look forward to and so much to be grateful for. God, help me to not lose sight of those things within all of this. Amen"

[1/9/2012]

"I have a hundred questions and a million different emotions, but Lord, You still have purpose, and still are sovereign in all of this. I need to remind myself of this daily and even at moments - it's literally a moment by moment reminder. But, all in all, I am still seeing You at work. I am just fully trusting in You at this point. God, You have a plan for me in this, I know it."

[2/2/2012]

"Lord, thank You for speaking to me. Even when You speak in whispers, I hear Your voice loudly and it's always an encouragement. God, continue to give me strength and patience in this season of waiting. Teach me to wait and be still. God, when You speak, please allow my heart and spirit to be so confident that it is Your voice speaking to me. Amen."

[3/12/2012]

"God, I know You're healing me, and I want You to know that I am okay with it."

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On January 29th of this year, I was at church, and my heart was so incredibly heavy. I was in the midst of the toughest time of this season of waiting, and I just cried out to God, literally begging for Him to give me something... anything. After service, a girl who I've never met, noticed how much of a utter wreck I was. She handed me a folded up piece of paper and said God told her to give it to me. I opened it up and on the note she had written, "A promise from God: Romans 5:3-5". I went home and read it and underlined it and journaled about it. At the time, I didn't know what the relevance of it was, and now, I can completely see it. So, after crying out to God begging Him to give me something, He definitely gave me something, in fact He gave me more than I could ever ask for.

"We rejoice in our sufferings, 

knowing that suffering produces endurance, 

and endurance produces character, 

and character produces hope, 

and hope does not put us to shame, 

because God's love has been poured into our hearts 

through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." 

Romans 5:3-5

Friends, wherever you are at in life, trust that God has you there for a reason. Don't fight against it, but rather surrender into God's plan for your life, because He loves you so much and only wants what is best for you. Trust Him, and know that no matter what He calls you to, it's going to be a battle, a fight - but it's always worth it in the end.

Keep Fighting the Good Fight,

Bren