embracing the season

The other day I tweeted about how I want to live in a place where I could experience actual seasons. Being a California native, I generally have only experienced about one season: summer. Year round, temperatures don't drop much lower than 70 and can reach up to degrees of 90, even 100. 
I've always loved this about living in the Golden State. 
I hate being cold, and have always claimed summer as my favorite season. 

Until now.

This has been such an incredibly hot summer. While most of the country is bringing out their scarves and hot cocoa, we're still wearing tank tops and drinking iced coffee. I don't know if it's because I am getting older, but I am definitely over this heat, and ready for the season to change. I'd never be excited about the weather being in the low 70's, but today I got so excited! 
I dusted off my tights and brought out my lace up shoes. I'm feeling good today :)

This will be our first fall as a married couple. I know Jamey loves this season, and that makes me want to enjoy it even more. This time last year, I wrote a blog post about creating traditions. I am excited to experience those traditions again this year, as a wife. 

Here is my fall bucket list (so far) :

• Go to a pumpkin patch
• Carve pumpkins while watching a classic horror film
• Make our home decorative for the season
• Dress up for Halloween
• Pass out candy on Halloween night
• Learn a few pumpkin recipes
• Stay the night in a cabin (if not for the fall, the winter)
• Start working on my first home project: the patio

I am sure this list will grow the more and more 

I am inspired by the wonders that fall brings, but for now this will do. 

Last year at our first pumpkin patch!

That's my husband, looking so good! :)

I think another reason I want to live somewhere I experience actual seasons, is because I see so much beauty within transition. Season to season, there is warmth, or coolness; the springing of flowers, or the build up of snow. There's a constant reminder that grace is around the corner, and mercies are new each morning. I suppose for now, as we live in California, I can just imagine the seasons drastically changing. So to you, 79 degree weather, I will ignore you and drink hot chai and keep my tights dust-free.

XO,

Brenda

just because

I feel like I have more reason to blog than ever before, yet I place it so far on the back burner that I never get around to it.

This has been my favorite season of my entire life. Bold statement? I believe so. The wedding planning, being engaged to my best friend, discovering more and more how I am wired & designed... it's all such a beautiful thing. Right around the new year, I revisited some old blog posts of mine, specifically from the last two New Year's. I am so glad that I blogged during those years. I am able to look back and reflect at the dark season I was in, for many years, and then to see where I am now. This New Year's Eve was such a great one! I spent it with people I love, and was able to look ahead into 2013 with a bright smile. I am so excited about where my life is headed. But, when I find myself in a moment of excitement about where God has me, I stop to remember where he once had me, and I smile about that too. You see, it's not just about the exciting seasons in our lives that make life taste so sweet -- it's about the dark times as well. If I never walked through the rugged path I was on, I would not be the woman I am right now. I wouldn't have the ability to love Jamey the way I love him now. I love him with a sincere, grateful heart. When I hold his hand, I don't hold it loosely, because I know what it's like to not have him in my life. When I am with him, or even when I am not, I try to remind him of the reasons why I love him, instead of just saying "I love you". I do this because I know what it's like to not have a consistent relationship with him. 

Now, we are 5 months away from being married, becoming one. Neither of us thought we would be here, but for some odd reason, God's grace abounds so much more than our own. 

I'm not sure what the purpose of this post was, but I wanted to write. So, take what you may from it. Maybe you're in a dark season, and you're fed up with where you're feet are planted. I encourage you to move. Take steps, whether they be large steps, or maybe even the tiniest of baby steps... move. The only way I got out of my dark season was because I took steps forward to making myself healthier. 

Maybe you're in a bright season; one full of joy when you lay your head down to when you wake each morning. Embrace joy. Don't question why you are in a good season, I did that at first and it's pointless. God just wants to bless us sometimes! Think about why you're in such a good season -- is it someone in your life? Remind them that you are grateful they are there.

Wherever you are, I hope you know you are loved.

XO,

Brenda

Back & Better Than Ever

After much hassle (the good kind) from my boyfriend, Jamey, I've decided to blog again. I honestly never intended to take a "break", but I guess life just kind of got in the way. But alas, here I am, back & stoked on it.

My last post was over a month ago, and it was about losing a substantial amount of money, and absolutely despising my job as a Server at CPK. Well, many things have changed since that post, including my attitude.

I went through a pretty extensive interviewing process with Biola University, and ended up being offered a job as the Administrative Assistant for the Crowell School of Business. It all happened really fast, to be honest, but I was just so excited and surprised. I was one of 60 applicants, down to 10 of us being interviewed, then 5, then down to 2 and then I was offered the position. I don't say that for any type of bragging rights, but rather as a reminder for me to be humbled and grateful that the Lord provided me with this job.

Working for Biola University has been a desire of mine for quite some time now. It's a wonderful university, which many of my friends attended, and I've also known and know many people who work there. I've only ever heard remarkable things about being employed by Biola, so I knew that was the place I wanted to end up at someday. And now that I'm here, I couldn't be happier. I'm truly blessed.

My best friend & I celebrating my new job! Cheers!

[This was posted on the Biola Employee website!]

Another huge update since my last post is that I've recently moved out with two of my girlfriends to the sweet city of Orange. I've kind of been somewhat of a "nomad" for the last 7 months. Hopping from couch to couch, staying with family, staying with friends. It was far from fun, and left me feeling completely unstable (my car was a huge reflection of this too). We were just waiting for the best option to come along, and for me to save enough money. Once all of that took place, we immediately jumped on the great opportunity to move into these gorgeous apartments in Orange. It's been a little over a month since we've moved in, and still, everyday we are so happy to be here. This place offers us so much, and we for once, feel like we are at home. I don't think I'll ever get sick of living here, or even get used to living here. It's that wonderful.

So, there you have it - my two big updates. And, I have to admit, they are two of the best updates I have had in a long time.

A friend of mine asked me recently, how I was doing, in general, and I replied, "Perfect." And I mean it. No, life is not perfect, and I certainly am far from perfect, but I really have no complaints in this current season of my life. I know this won't last forever, and I'm okay with that, but for now, I will take it all in, and be so grateful for everything I have. I can look back on the beginning of this year and see how much of a low I was in and see where I am now, and know that God is completely the reason why I am here. What a faithful and loving God we serve!

I am excited to have a more consistent schedule now, so I can get back into the groove of blogging regularly.

I hope you are all doing well!

XO,

Brenda

With Every Season of Trial, Comes a Season of Joy

I truly believe that statement to be truth. I've seen it in the lives of those around me, and I most recently have seen it in my own life. If you've been following my blog over the last 5+ months, you would know that I experienced a season of trial, darkness and pain. I knew it was a season I needed to face, and that I needed to not run from. All my life, I have embraced running away rather than facing things head on. But, I am so grateful that I was surrounded by great support who encouraged me to stay put, and wait on God. I was able to survive that time because I knew God would soon bring me out of it, and give me joy. That is the beauty of His promises.

"a time to weep, and a time to laugh;

a time to mourn, and a time to dance."

Ecclesiastes 3:4

I experienced healing, and with that healing came freedom, and with that freedom came joy. I've mentioned this joy a few times on my blog, so now I feel it would be appropriate to explain what this season of joy looks like for me. If you're interested, keep reading...

Joy comes in all forms, and I believe my joy ultimately comes from the Lord. In this season specifically, my joy has a name, and his name is James Michael. 

We have an interesting story, Jamey & I. From what started three years ago, and was more recently revisited, we've had quite the journey. We are the epitome of a miracle, and a relationship that has God's fingerprints completely all over it. From our start, the odds have been against us, and that in essence, was the reason we never could fully take off. He has always remained someone I admired and found comfort in. He has the heart of a servant, and the ability to love in spite of my crazy. (& believe me, I've had my share of crazy over the years). He has been the most patient and faithful person I've ever met. Because of all of this, we've revisited one another many times over the last few years. It never made sense to either of us, and it was more often than not, filled with pain and heartache. But now, we are able to look back and see what God was up to. We can see purpose in all of those rough seasons, because it was what led us to this season, our season of joy.

Our story doesn't make sense to most people, and it honestly doesn't make complete sense to either of us, but it's us. We realize that our story is in actuality God's story, and we have been given the privilege to be characters within it. 

Such little babies!
[3 years ago]

                                                            

I've never been happier, and I am so excited to see where God takes us. We are stronger than ever before, because of all the trials we faced both together, and individually. Everyday is still surreal, I can't help but to thank God for this blessing and this season of joy.

J a m e y , 

You are so dear to me. Thank you for being so patient with me over the years. And above everything else, thank you for listening to God throughout these years, even when it didn't make sense and when the world told you not to. I am confident it is because of your obedience that you and I are here, together. You're my favorite, darlin'.

XO

Brenda

Lessons From Unemployment

Hey Blog world, it's been a while. I'm sorry about that!

I don't have too much of an update here, but I figured I should write something so you all know I am certainly alive. It has now been over 3 months since I left LiNK, meaning I've been unemployed for over 3 months. It's getting extremely frustrating. I really didn't think it would be so difficult to find a job. I was originally looking for full-time office/receptionist work, and came really close to getting a job in that field (3 interviews with one company) and didn't end up getting the job. After that, I felt so defeated, and wanted to switch things up. I started looking for full-time Nanny jobs. I had an interview with a family, but didn't end up getting that job either. I really would love to Nanny, because I feel that would be such great experience and it would be really fulfilling. I created a profile to put up on several different Nanny websites, but haven't really had much luck. I am not giving up on this just yet though!

I really want to find a great job, one that I am proud to be at and love going to, but maybe it's just not my time yet. I struggle with this idea since I just came from devoting the last few years to a job that I was passionate about, and loved doing. To do what? Go backwards? I am realizing, I need money. I don't need much of it, but I do need enough to support myself, and to move out. I've been living on my mom's couch for the last few months, and although I am grateful for that, I am just longing to have a place I can call my own. I've come to a place in my life where I need to make the decision, do I stick it out, and find that one great job, or do I buckle down and take a job that can pay the bills enough to get me out on my own?

I've decided it's time to buckle down. 

I am going to try to get back into waitressing. I never thought I'd see this day come, but here I am, and it's pretty humbling. Serving is great money, and not a lot of demanding hours. I am trying to focus on the positives that can come of this. Serving will allow me to move out, support myself, and also still have the freedom to be involved in other things like community, church, events, volunteering, etc. If I do get a job as a server, I will still continue to search for other work, which hopefully will lead me to being a full-time Nanny. I need to knock down my pride, and realize this is only temporary and it's a means to an end.

This is teaching me so much about life. My mom is such a wise woman, and her words keep replaying in my head in these tough moments: "Make plans, don't plan the outcome"

That is truth. And, that is hard for me. I like to plan things out as far in advance as possible, but that is just not how life, or God, work. I surrender to the season I am in, and I just need to keep pushing forward.

I hope you are all well, and if you are finding yourself in a season like the one I am in, know that you're not alone, and know that we are all just trying to find our place in this big world. It'll all be okay.

XO

Bren

Timeline of Testaments

For the last four months, I've mentioned this particular season of waiting that I have been struggling through. It has been painful, stretching and honestly life-altering. I didn't see this season coming when it did, and everyday since it has occurred, I have never been certain when or how it would end. I can't say that I am 100% certain that it has indeed passed, but I can say that I am seeing the end of it, and for that, I can only give glory to Jesus.

Once I realized I was in fact facing a difficult season, I knew that journaling about it was going to be necessary. I am SO grateful that I journaled daily through this process. There are entries of pain, of tears, of joy, of confusion and traced throughout all of these entries are prayers and requests to God. I would like to share with you a timeline of testaments to how good and gracious the Lord has been to me in this season. These are just a few that I picked out, one for each month that I've been in this rough season of waiting on the Lord. I pray it can be an encouragement to you, wherever you are at in life, for whatever season you are facing.

[11/15/2011]

"Lord, what is at the end of this? Is it soon? Am I in it right now? What do I need to do to push through? God, I am not asking that You remove this from me, but I ask that You strengthen me in my weakness and guide my decisions. Above all else, Lord, You are my desire, You are my aim. Help me to stay true to this. Amen."

[12/29/2011]

"What am I supposed to do, Lord? I know You're teaching me so much in this time. Patience, faithfulness, commitment, full reliance and trust in You. But, lately I've been feeling more discouraged and defeated than ever before. I am praying that You show me a glimpse of what's next, or what I should do in the next few weeks. I am trying to not let this situation completely take over my life. I still have so much to look forward to and so much to be grateful for. God, help me to not lose sight of those things within all of this. Amen"

[1/9/2012]

"I have a hundred questions and a million different emotions, but Lord, You still have purpose, and still are sovereign in all of this. I need to remind myself of this daily and even at moments - it's literally a moment by moment reminder. But, all in all, I am still seeing You at work. I am just fully trusting in You at this point. God, You have a plan for me in this, I know it."

[2/2/2012]

"Lord, thank You for speaking to me. Even when You speak in whispers, I hear Your voice loudly and it's always an encouragement. God, continue to give me strength and patience in this season of waiting. Teach me to wait and be still. God, when You speak, please allow my heart and spirit to be so confident that it is Your voice speaking to me. Amen."

[3/12/2012]

"God, I know You're healing me, and I want You to know that I am okay with it."

----

On January 29th of this year, I was at church, and my heart was so incredibly heavy. I was in the midst of the toughest time of this season of waiting, and I just cried out to God, literally begging for Him to give me something... anything. After service, a girl who I've never met, noticed how much of a utter wreck I was. She handed me a folded up piece of paper and said God told her to give it to me. I opened it up and on the note she had written, "A promise from God: Romans 5:3-5". I went home and read it and underlined it and journaled about it. At the time, I didn't know what the relevance of it was, and now, I can completely see it. So, after crying out to God begging Him to give me something, He definitely gave me something, in fact He gave me more than I could ever ask for.

"We rejoice in our sufferings, 

knowing that suffering produces endurance, 

and endurance produces character, 

and character produces hope, 

and hope does not put us to shame, 

because God's love has been poured into our hearts 

through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." 

Romans 5:3-5

Friends, wherever you are at in life, trust that God has you there for a reason. Don't fight against it, but rather surrender into God's plan for your life, because He loves you so much and only wants what is best for you. Trust Him, and know that no matter what He calls you to, it's going to be a battle, a fight - but it's always worth it in the end.

Keep Fighting the Good Fight,

Bren

Seasons & Tunes

I'm quite obsessed with this band called The Head & The Heart. [Brooke, I know you will agree!] A good friend of mine introduced me to them last year, and I instantly was hooked. It was not until more recently that I have actually listened to their full album, and my only regret is that it took me this long.

I think it's incredible how when we are going through specific seasons in our lives, that music can play such a key role. For me, music is more than just a tune or a list of words put together to make a song; music is a way for me to connect and see things in a different perspective. I can't completely explain it, but I believe music is a gift from God, and with that, it brings me pure joy.

There are several go-to artists that I have been listening to for the last several months. If you have never heard of them, I highly encourage you to give them a listen.

Bon Iver 

[especially his latest self-titled album]

Sleeping At Last

The Head & The Heart

For now, I will leave you with an epic video by TH&TH. This song in particular has brought me a sense of unique comfort recently. A mixture of the words, the sounds and the simplicity of it all, I hope you enjoy it as much as I have.

The Head and The Heart, "Rivers and Roads"

--

What are some of your go-to artists right now?