back to my roots: why i write

I can't believe it's almost Thanksgiving. Scratch that. I can't believe it's already fall. Where did time go? Five months ago today, Jamey and I got married. THAT to me is insane. So much has happened since that perfect day, and yet I haven't documented even half of it all. Now, let me clarify something first. I don't believe I need to document every little moment for the world to see. Frankly, I enjoy keeping some of those moments to myself; for my own head and heart to know. But, when I think about the reason I even started this blog being to document my life, and all of the precious moments, it makes me sad to know that I haven't done the best job at it.

I recently read a post that inspired me to write again. Sometimes I can fill my head with nonsense and lies about why I shouldn't write. I'll tell myself, "no one reads it anyway", "you're nobody special. Everything you write about has already been written, and probably said better than you", or "People will think you're obsessed with yourself". I say these are lies, because no one has ever told MY story. No one can understand what my life is like, because it is mine. 

A friend of mine recently re-posted a statement that hit home for me. It said, 

"You should write. Even though everything's already been said beautifully. Even though there's nothing new under the sun. Even so. Because there may be nothing new to say, but if you haven't spoken up yet - then there is a new VOICE to hear. That's all we have - our voices. No two are the same. No one sees the world QUITE like you do, and no one else can tell us your story QUITE like you could. You are our only chance to know you. You're it. If you yearn to use your voice and you don't - we will all suffer for it. Be brave. Be audacious enough to consider that your story is worth telling and your voice is worth hearing. Your story and your voice are worthy of occupying some space in this world."

I want to be a consistent writer. Not because I want to make a lot of money doing it, or because it happens to be the hip thing to do nowadays. I want to write because I feel it deep within my bones to express my thoughts. I want to write so that my children, and my children's children can reflect back on my life and have an understanding of where they came from. 

I want to document the joys and the pains to maybe, just maybe, 

inspire someone to believe that they are capable of doing great things. 

five months ago, I married my better half

I want to stop feeling as if there are boundaries or rules to the rhyme and reason I write. No one is holding me back, only myself. It's time to break free of those lies, 

and begin to write when I want, and what I want.

I love you all, and I appreciate your support while I walk through this sometimes rugged journey.

XO

Brenda

Why I Blog

I took a break from blogging for the last month, mainly because of how busy I've been, but also to reevaluate why I am on here in the first place. For the majority of the last year, I haven't really felt like an effective writer or blogger. I think for once, I have found myself in such a perfect place in life. I fell absolutely in love with my now fiance, and I think I just really wanted to live out my life, rather than invest in writing about it.

I don't want this to be the case though. I believe there was a season for it, but I really feel drawn back here for some reason. I want to be a writer who stays true to myself. I don't want to write about something because it's trendy or what other popular bloggers are writing about. I want the reasons I write anything on here to be to help others, to speak into people's lives, and to validate their feelings in the seasons they have found themselves in. I also want to use this as a platform to document my own life. The good and the bad. I generally have used this blog to keep track of the things I experience so that I can always reflect back on it.

So there you have it, that is the kind of writer I am and these are the topics you can expect to find on here. I commend each and everyone of you out there for staying true to yourself and what you feel compelled to write about. It isn't easy putting your words out into cyberspace, but I hope you know that you have a friend in me who can understand and appreciate you doing exactly that.

XO

Brenda

just because

I feel like I have more reason to blog than ever before, yet I place it so far on the back burner that I never get around to it.

This has been my favorite season of my entire life. Bold statement? I believe so. The wedding planning, being engaged to my best friend, discovering more and more how I am wired & designed... it's all such a beautiful thing. Right around the new year, I revisited some old blog posts of mine, specifically from the last two New Year's. I am so glad that I blogged during those years. I am able to look back and reflect at the dark season I was in, for many years, and then to see where I am now. This New Year's Eve was such a great one! I spent it with people I love, and was able to look ahead into 2013 with a bright smile. I am so excited about where my life is headed. But, when I find myself in a moment of excitement about where God has me, I stop to remember where he once had me, and I smile about that too. You see, it's not just about the exciting seasons in our lives that make life taste so sweet -- it's about the dark times as well. If I never walked through the rugged path I was on, I would not be the woman I am right now. I wouldn't have the ability to love Jamey the way I love him now. I love him with a sincere, grateful heart. When I hold his hand, I don't hold it loosely, because I know what it's like to not have him in my life. When I am with him, or even when I am not, I try to remind him of the reasons why I love him, instead of just saying "I love you". I do this because I know what it's like to not have a consistent relationship with him. 

Now, we are 5 months away from being married, becoming one. Neither of us thought we would be here, but for some odd reason, God's grace abounds so much more than our own. 

I'm not sure what the purpose of this post was, but I wanted to write. So, take what you may from it. Maybe you're in a dark season, and you're fed up with where you're feet are planted. I encourage you to move. Take steps, whether they be large steps, or maybe even the tiniest of baby steps... move. The only way I got out of my dark season was because I took steps forward to making myself healthier. 

Maybe you're in a bright season; one full of joy when you lay your head down to when you wake each morning. Embrace joy. Don't question why you are in a good season, I did that at first and it's pointless. God just wants to bless us sometimes! Think about why you're in such a good season -- is it someone in your life? Remind them that you are grateful they are there.

Wherever you are, I hope you know you are loved.

XO,

Brenda

Little Joys

As I was winding down tonight, and reflecting on my day, I realized how blessed I am. I say this from time to time, and today wasn't super special or anything, but it reminded me to be grateful.

My day had a slow start (life of the unemployed, sigh) and then I got ready for the day and headed out to Fullerton. I had some time to kill before meeting with my mentor, Sarah, so I went to a little park and laid on the grass reading and writing. It was so lovely outside, and my green iced tea from Starbucks most definitely complimented the weather. I really find so much joy in the little things. I am pretty easily amused and entertained, it really doesn't take much to make me smile. 

And today was just that for me.

I had a wonderful time meeting with Sarah, and then made the drive to Huntington Beach to meet with my small group. My small group usually meets every Monday, but we haven't been able to meet for the last month, so there was much to catch up on! I love these girls, immensely. They have been such a crucial support system for me in the last few months, and meeting with them brings me so much joy.

So, that was my Wednesday. Nothing too crazy, but it was simply lovely and I smiled a lot today. It's the little joys in life that make each day worth it. It's how I see God in my day to day. 

He doesn't only show up in the large creations around us, but He shows up in the simple things all around us. 

I love searching for the little joys in life.

XO

Brenda