the time our souls connected

The season was fall, and the year was 2009.

We had known each other for a year, but had only recently started hanging out within the same group. Jamey was the kind of guy who you could instantly get along with. He's slow to judge and quick to engage. I had particularly associated him with a stage and limelight atmosphere. He was in a band that a lot of my friends would go see perform, and he just had the ability to display passion and personality via his microphone and electric guitar. He was a total rockstar. When he started to come around more, I was shocked to find out that he was more of a low-key, 

introvert by day and fierce rockstar by night. I was instantly intrigued. 

We initially connected on the fact that we both loved Jesus, but quickly after that we identified with our same love for Pop-Punk music. We were those twenty-something year olds who refused to let go of our early high school music. We would get so excited to talk about which bands we listened to 

(and still do), and which shows we went to. We agreed on practically everything when it came to our taste in music. Something I thought I'd never find in someone. 

I was from Long Beach, he was from Orange County-ish. I'm the type of person who has a lot of pride for the city I'm from, so when I heard that Jamey wasn't too familiar with LBC, I instantly wanted to show him around. We made plans for him to come to my place one random Wednesday evening. I was really looking forward to showing Jamey the places and spots that were really special to me. Most of the places I wanted to show him had to do with music, one way or another.

We started the night off by going to my favorite record store in Long Beach, Fingerprints. Neither of us (at the time) owned a record player, but I told him it was one of those places that brought me comfort. I loved walking up and down the aisles, and smelling the scent of aged music and books. I showed him the first CD I ever purchased: Lagwagon, "Plaidinum", and he of course laughed at the fact that I was into Punk music at 11 years old. I can also remember him spending a lot of time going through each and every record. Since I would frequent Fingerprints, I was done pretty quickly. He feared that I was bored and waiting on him, but it was then that I assured him 

I'm the type of person that will always be honest. I told him, 

"you don't have to worry about me not speaking my mind. I'll always be honest with you." 

Reflecting back to that specific frame in time brings such a smile to my face. Not much has changed with Jamey and I. I believe that moment was a very crucial and pivotal moment for us. My initial goal for showing him Long Beach was to help him to see how awesome my city was. But, it turned out to be so much deeper than that. I showed him a piece of myself, and who I was. I let him in, and that never came easy for me. There was something about Jamey that made me 

incredibly comfortable to share myself with him. 

The rest of the night was full of driving up Ocean Blvd., with former Drive-Thru bands as our soundtrack. I'm sure we ate good food, and I'm sure we shared a lot of stories. It kind of becomes a blur to me. But one thing I know is that I felt so safe around him. I ended the "tour of Long Beach" by taking him to my spot. It was this area that overlooked the beautiful ocean, but was kind of hidden. It was there that I opened up to him about all of my pain and sorrows. I sort of, unintentionally, let it all out. He had proved himself to be a good friend to me, and to be someone who wanted to know me at my core. He reassured me that he passed no judgment on me, 

and that he felt I was a good person. 

Although we were merely friends that one random Wednesday in the Fall of 2009, I believe that was the moment our souls connected. I believe that day was intended to happen. It's one of my favorite memories with Jamey, because it was the first time I noticed him, 

and I felt like he noticed me, too.

The rest is history. We are so in love, and so happy to be in each other's company. We still frequent record stores and he still takes way longer to look through records than I do ;). 

But, I still reassure him that I'll speak my mind when I need to. 

Engagement Photos:
//Fingerprints
//Fall 2012

Jamey, I love our love. I love that one random Wednesday in Long Beach that I got to share with you. I believe that although it may have been random to us at the time, 

it was intended to happen to make us who we are today.

XO

Brenda

[I originally got the idea to blog about this because of Dani's post, "Ideas for the Stumped Blogger". 

Thank you, Dani, for the inspiration to get out of my dry writing spell!]

*photo credit: Sarah Shreves

Dating Dilemmas: Being Ignored

H a p p y   F r i d a y !

Continuing from last week's Dating Dilemma post...

Being ignored is never easy. What about when someone you meet for a few dates starts to ignore you? That isn't easy either. A good friend of mine had this happen to her. She met someone a few times and really began to become interested in him. He seemed interested in her too. She would read me their conversations and tell me about their dates, and this guy seemed to be really into her.

Time would pass, and there wouldn't be much follow up from him. So, naturally she'd text him, because that is what you do when you're interested in someone, right? He would respond, and they'd hang out. This went on for a bit, but he just never seemed to fully pursue something with her. And, it came to a point where he didn't follow through with things he'd say he would do -- that he would text/call her, make plans to hang out again, etc. He was full of many excuses, and then that was really it.

Obviously as her friend, this frustrated me. How can someone be so cowardly? I still don't understand it. I think the downfall of our generation being so networked by social media, is that we have failed as human beings to be courteous and have integrity. Especially in these sorts of situations. It's much easier to just drop off the face of the earth, and I suppose not feel bad about it. This is something I see a lot in the online dating world. That frustrates me even more! Just because there's no prior friendship before meeting someone online, doesn't mean that you have the right to just ignore someone when you're not interested.

I wish people had more decency than that. I feel it comes down to the fact that people are cowardly but also people are afraid of being honest. Another downfall of our computer/social networking infatuation: we aren't very good at communicating in the real world, with real people.

So, what do you do if you find yourself being a victim of being ignored?

>> When you find yourself being involved in a one-way communication with someone, chances are they are not as interested as you, and they're too afraid to be honest with you. Confront them directly, and be prepared to move on.
>> Don't get too attached. Often times we (esp. girls) can get attached very quickly, even with someone we just met. Be cautious; guard your heart & mind. If someone is beginning to ignore you, it is much better to deal with that when you're not yet attached.
>> Call them out! Don't dance around the topic. Real relationships deal with honesty, conflict & communication, so it's great to practice this from the get go.
>> Don't waste your time. If someone does not have the integrity or the heart to be honest with you, and especially if you don't feel they are making the effort with you, it's time to walk away.

You have to realize that YOU are worth more than falling victim to this. You were made to love and be loved, and if someone doesn't desire to pursue you directly, then you shouldn't wait around for them.

/ / / /

This is my 3rd post on my new blog feature Dating Dilemmas. I was really excited to test this out when the idea came to me. My goal for this feature was to be able to help anyone who was experiencing a dilemma of their own. How are you liking this feature? Do you find it useful? Do you think I should continue with it? 

I'd love your feedback! Feel free to comment below OR e-mail me at B.laraineabel@gmail.com

XO,

Brenda

On Dating Dilemmas [new blog feature]

Dating can be simultaneously one of the best and worst things ever. It can be the very thing that causes you to have sweet butterflies, but it can also cause you to have awful panic attacks. 

Let me start off by saying that I am in no way an expert on dating (who is?) but I have had my share of dating experiences; some good, some not so good. I've definitely made many mistakes, and I've also made some decisions that I am very proud of. All in all, I've walked away from my dating life with lots of lessons learned, and I love sharing my wisdom (or something like that) with anyone with an open ear. Truth be told, I would not have been able to make it through the chaos of dating without the advice and wisdom of those who had gone before me. 

So, here I am, trying something new...

For a while, I've been wanting to start a blog feature, but could never think of something good enough. This week I was texting with a good friend of mine who was seeking some dating advice. She was nervous as she was preparing for a date with someone she met online. I was doing all that I could to put her at ease and calm her nerves. Here's how our convo went...

"I just don't want it to be awkward."

"I would just say to not have expectations, and just relax. At the very least this can be a good meal with a person you can have a good conversation with! Have a few conversation topics that you can go to, if need be."

----

"Ok. It's all done. Wasn't bad. But now I don't know how to tell him I'm not interested :( "

"I'd say if you are completely certain that there is no interest on your end at all, then you just need to be straight up with him. Be polite, thank him for his company, but because you respect his feelings, you want to let him know that you don't want to pursue anything with him."

"I'm sure. But I don't want it to seem like I used him for dinner or anything. It's just really hard. I think he really likes me."

"Don't think too much about it! His feelings may get hurt, but all you can do is be honest and sincere. He'll appreciate that in the long run, I promise. -- I can't stand when people just blow people off. I think it's so cowardly. Especially with online dating. Please don't be one of those people."

----

...& that's where the idea hit me. I'd like to experiment with starting a dating advice feature on my blog. I have no idea how it will work, or if my readers will even enjoy it. But, I want to try. I will start off by sharing some of my own personal experiences, and then over time if people have questions or scenarios that they are in and need advice, then I would love to address them the best I can! 

Like I said from the beginning, I am not an expert in dating, but I have experienced a lot in my 25 years of life. I think it's such a beautiful thing when people share their stories; the good, the bad and the damn right ugly. 

I will begin my putting myself out there, vulnerable and raw. I encourage you to join me! I'd love to see what this turns into. So, be brave! Do you have a tough dating situation that you are in? Do you need someone to give you a unique perspective? Leave a comment, and let me know! [You can always leave it as "anonymous" if you don't want to leave your name.]

Let the dating advice begin! 

XO,

Brenda