Dating Dilemmas: Being Ignored

H a p p y   F r i d a y !

Continuing from last week's Dating Dilemma post...

Being ignored is never easy. What about when someone you meet for a few dates starts to ignore you? That isn't easy either. A good friend of mine had this happen to her. She met someone a few times and really began to become interested in him. He seemed interested in her too. She would read me their conversations and tell me about their dates, and this guy seemed to be really into her.

Time would pass, and there wouldn't be much follow up from him. So, naturally she'd text him, because that is what you do when you're interested in someone, right? He would respond, and they'd hang out. This went on for a bit, but he just never seemed to fully pursue something with her. And, it came to a point where he didn't follow through with things he'd say he would do -- that he would text/call her, make plans to hang out again, etc. He was full of many excuses, and then that was really it.

Obviously as her friend, this frustrated me. How can someone be so cowardly? I still don't understand it. I think the downfall of our generation being so networked by social media, is that we have failed as human beings to be courteous and have integrity. Especially in these sorts of situations. It's much easier to just drop off the face of the earth, and I suppose not feel bad about it. This is something I see a lot in the online dating world. That frustrates me even more! Just because there's no prior friendship before meeting someone online, doesn't mean that you have the right to just ignore someone when you're not interested.

I wish people had more decency than that. I feel it comes down to the fact that people are cowardly but also people are afraid of being honest. Another downfall of our computer/social networking infatuation: we aren't very good at communicating in the real world, with real people.

So, what do you do if you find yourself being a victim of being ignored?

>> When you find yourself being involved in a one-way communication with someone, chances are they are not as interested as you, and they're too afraid to be honest with you. Confront them directly, and be prepared to move on.
>> Don't get too attached. Often times we (esp. girls) can get attached very quickly, even with someone we just met. Be cautious; guard your heart & mind. If someone is beginning to ignore you, it is much better to deal with that when you're not yet attached.
>> Call them out! Don't dance around the topic. Real relationships deal with honesty, conflict & communication, so it's great to practice this from the get go.
>> Don't waste your time. If someone does not have the integrity or the heart to be honest with you, and especially if you don't feel they are making the effort with you, it's time to walk away.

You have to realize that YOU are worth more than falling victim to this. You were made to love and be loved, and if someone doesn't desire to pursue you directly, then you shouldn't wait around for them.

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This is my 3rd post on my new blog feature Dating Dilemmas. I was really excited to test this out when the idea came to me. My goal for this feature was to be able to help anyone who was experiencing a dilemma of their own. How are you liking this feature? Do you find it useful? Do you think I should continue with it? 

I'd love your feedback! Feel free to comment below OR e-mail me at B.laraineabel@gmail.com

XO,

Brenda

Dating Dilemma: Let Them Down Easy

Last week I introduced a new Blog Feature, "Dating Dilemmas". It's my first feature that I've ever had on this blog, and it's my goal to write once a week about it. My aim for this feature is not to make it all about my love life history, but rather to help others in their situations. Dating is difficult, let's be honest. But, it also can be such an amazing thing. It took me about a decade of dating to find the right one and I want to help others get to that point too.

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This dating dilemma is actually a sequel to the situation from last week. You might remember me mentioning how my friend was caught in a sticky situation with a guy she met online. She was nervous going into the date, and then after the date happened she realized she in fact was not interested in him. How could she let him down easy?

Meeting someone can be hard, letting someone down can be even more difficult.

I encouraged her to be up front and honest with him. When letting someone down, you have to realize that although the phrase may say "let them down easy", it's never really easy. You're dealing with someone's feelings and if you have a heartbeat, you probably don't enjoy hurting people. So, accept that it won't be easy, but understand that the sooner you face the music, the better it will be for you and the other person.

Here are a few pointers to get you through your next "let down dilemma":

>> Be polite, but forward with how you feel. Being kind is the respectful thing to do, but be sure to be honest.
>> When being forward, be blunt. If you aren't they will find room to squeeze themselves in.
>> Keep in mind, you most likely WILL hurt their feelings. But it's better to do that in the beginning when there isn't much attachment.
>> After letting them down easy, be done with it. Some people want to check back in and see the aftermath damage, but that's not your responsibility or place. Once you close the door, keep it closed.
>> Don't delay, just do it.

**Please note that the situation I am giving advice about is for a first time date. Every case is different, and I would not advise these pointers for letting someone down easy if it were a well developed relationship.

I know for my friend, after she did all of this she felt much better. I've been there before, and maybe you're there now. Letting someone down is not easy, but facing it head on before you get too involved will always be much better than avoiding in.

Next week I will talk about another situation where someone was on the opposite end of being let down, but unfortunately the other person was not straight forward about it.

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Again, I would love to offer any advice to you in your dating dilemmas! I know it can be a vulnerable thing, so feel free to leave an anonymous comment below OR e-mail me: b.laraineabel@gmail.com & I'd love to help!

XO,

Brenda

On Dating Dilemmas [new blog feature]

Dating can be simultaneously one of the best and worst things ever. It can be the very thing that causes you to have sweet butterflies, but it can also cause you to have awful panic attacks. 

Let me start off by saying that I am in no way an expert on dating (who is?) but I have had my share of dating experiences; some good, some not so good. I've definitely made many mistakes, and I've also made some decisions that I am very proud of. All in all, I've walked away from my dating life with lots of lessons learned, and I love sharing my wisdom (or something like that) with anyone with an open ear. Truth be told, I would not have been able to make it through the chaos of dating without the advice and wisdom of those who had gone before me. 

So, here I am, trying something new...

For a while, I've been wanting to start a blog feature, but could never think of something good enough. This week I was texting with a good friend of mine who was seeking some dating advice. She was nervous as she was preparing for a date with someone she met online. I was doing all that I could to put her at ease and calm her nerves. Here's how our convo went...

"I just don't want it to be awkward."

"I would just say to not have expectations, and just relax. At the very least this can be a good meal with a person you can have a good conversation with! Have a few conversation topics that you can go to, if need be."

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"Ok. It's all done. Wasn't bad. But now I don't know how to tell him I'm not interested :( "

"I'd say if you are completely certain that there is no interest on your end at all, then you just need to be straight up with him. Be polite, thank him for his company, but because you respect his feelings, you want to let him know that you don't want to pursue anything with him."

"I'm sure. But I don't want it to seem like I used him for dinner or anything. It's just really hard. I think he really likes me."

"Don't think too much about it! His feelings may get hurt, but all you can do is be honest and sincere. He'll appreciate that in the long run, I promise. -- I can't stand when people just blow people off. I think it's so cowardly. Especially with online dating. Please don't be one of those people."

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...& that's where the idea hit me. I'd like to experiment with starting a dating advice feature on my blog. I have no idea how it will work, or if my readers will even enjoy it. But, I want to try. I will start off by sharing some of my own personal experiences, and then over time if people have questions or scenarios that they are in and need advice, then I would love to address them the best I can! 

Like I said from the beginning, I am not an expert in dating, but I have experienced a lot in my 25 years of life. I think it's such a beautiful thing when people share their stories; the good, the bad and the damn right ugly. 

I will begin my putting myself out there, vulnerable and raw. I encourage you to join me! I'd love to see what this turns into. So, be brave! Do you have a tough dating situation that you are in? Do you need someone to give you a unique perspective? Leave a comment, and let me know! [You can always leave it as "anonymous" if you don't want to leave your name.]

Let the dating advice begin! 

XO,

Brenda